Rust
by Argella
Summary: "Watching her, I almost believe that the human world can be full of light and goodness, even though I know that to be a lie." Rem observes Misa Amane throughout her life.
1. Gold

**_Disclaimer: The story and characters of Death Note were created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata._**

_**Thank you to my dear friend and beta reader Meiyl who helped me fix this up a bit.**_

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**Rust**

**1. Gold**

This world is stagnant. I have been here for countless ages without observing any change except for a slow, ever-present decay. No one can count those ages, because reckoning time requires distinct events to come to pass. Since nothing happens in the shinigami realm, it is as though time does not exist. The only means of feeling the aeons elapse is to concentrate on the continually increasing weariness in one's body.

All that shinigami do is watch and wait, occasionally speaking to one another or gambling to distract ourselves from the tedium of our existence. I rarely speak to the others of my kind, but there is one with whom I share a sort of companionship. When I tire of sleeping or listening to the insipid conversations of other shinigami, I go to find him at at the edge of the desert. We often sit in silence together and gaze into the human world.

I can understand why Gelus is fascinated by the human world. It is full of color, fleeting movement, and sparks of life, the opposite of our own dull, listless realm. It is fluid with change, while this world withers into dust. But the human world is also tarnished, ugly even amidst all its brilliance. Perhaps all the worlds are rotting, and every one of them will come to the state of ours in the end.

Gelus does not perceive the blights on the human world, the suffering and filth that have corroded it. Sometimes I watch his face instead of the window to the other world, and I see wonder and beauty reflected in his eye. He recognizes and latches onto the smallest flickers of life. His thoughts dwell only in the world of humans, perhaps because he is one of the lowliest shinigami, and this world holds even less for him than it does for me.

At this moment, he is watching a little human girl playing. I peer through the rift to get a closer look at her. The girl's lustrous hair and shining eyes catch the light from Earth's sun. I do not remember most of the names that humans have for colors, but I know what gems and precious metals are. When I see the girl, the words _sapphire_ and _gold_ come to mind to describe her countenance. She is a glittering treasure.

I gaze back at Gelus. He looks lonely, hugging his knees to his chest with his stub-like arms, but he also seems content. Though his face is only half-formed, he is more expressive than any other shinigami I have met. I can tell that observing the human girl makes him happy.

Watching her, I almost believe that the human world can be full of light and goodness, even though I know that to be a lie. The lie is confirmed when I glance above her golden head and see the numbers outlined in fire. She only has fourteen human years left to live. How could a creature with such vitality and spirit be doomed to a life cut so short?

The name above her lifespan is in Japanese script. I do not know what her name sounds like, since the only thing I would need to know about a human's name is how to write it, and Japanese is a human language with which I have always had difficulty. "Who is this girl?" I ask Gelus.

"Her name is Misa Amane," Gelus says in his soft voice. When he speaks the name, it sounds like a blessing, or a prayer. It is strange that he should understand her name without ever having the intention of writing it. I know he will never allow her name to be written in a Death Note. "I want to watch over her forever," Gelus whispers.

I kneel close to his side, my bones creaking. "But you can't," I remind him gently.

He closes his eye and bows his head. "I know."


	2. Ruby

**_Disclaimer: The story and characters of Death Note were created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata._**

Thank you to my dear friend and beta reader Meiyl who helped me fix this up a bit.

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**Rust**

**2. Ruby**

Other humans recognize the beauty of Misa Amane, too. They flock around her as she grows into adolescence. Her family, her companions, her teachers, and all others who encounter her are always smiling in her presence. The faint echoes of her laughter are mesmerizing. Several human years have passed, but the only way I can tell is by reading the decreasing lifespans of the humans through the portal below us.

Gelus has not written a name since the time he first saw Misa. At times I worry that he might die if he continues to neglect writing in his Death Note, but it is not my place to tell another shinigami what to do. There is no way to tell with great certainty how long a shinigami's lifespan is, but most of us don't expect to die until many more ages have gone by. We built up our lives long ago; now shinigami rarely prey on humans, even in sport.

It is my hope that Gelus will resume taking human lives if he knows his time is running out, but this hope is foolish. There is no cause for me to want to keep Gelus alive, aside from my own selfishness. I do not want to lose my only companion.

I suddenly notice how short the numbers are above the heads of Misa's father and mother. Their meager lifespans indicate identical times of death, so they will die together, but what does it matter? Humans' lives, once ended, are extinguished absolutely. There is no togetherness in death, only oblivion, and all things become singular in Nothingness. However, it pains me to realize that these two will leave their daughter behind, and that Misa's life will end soon afterward. Will she waste away with grief? Will she cut short her life by her own hand, to end her loneliness and misery? For now, the three of them are content, completely unconcerned with death. Humanity, after all, is a race preoccupied with living.

Through muddled human time, it is difficult to tell what is going on. Night has fallen, and Misa's parents are sitting across from each other in a dim room of their home, speaking softly. Neither of them notice, of course, the dwindling numbers above their own heads.

They also do not notice that a man holding a gun has just climbed through the window of the adjoining room.

Lightly pattering footsteps sound from the stairs, but the two humans do not look up as their daughter descends. Misa is about to say something—perhaps to announce her presence, or to ask her parents a question—when the armed man walks through the doorway. From where the man is standing, he cannot see Misa, waiting uncertainly in the stairwell.

The man is clearly insane; there is a gleam of madness in his eyes. He stands absolutely still as Misa's parents stare at him in astonishment. Misa's father stands up, protesting the stranger's intrusion.

His name and lifespan evaporate to nothing as the sound of a gunshot echoes through the house and back to where Gelus and I are watching. His wife leaps up with a cry, and her life is just as quickly ended in another spray of blood, a bullet embedded in her chest.

The murderer smiles a deathlike grin, then walks out of the room and leaves the house through the window again, carrying a petty trinket he has taken as his loot. A trinket paid for with two human lives.

Misa has not yet moved or made a sound.

If shinigami could weep like humans, perhaps our tears would be dust, or sand, or pure salt. In contrast, humans are all fluid—they cry, sweat, salivate, bleed. Their emotions pour from their souls like water, and their liquid life spills out all too easily when their brittle bodies are damaged.

Dry sobs wrack Gelus's body as he sees the horror spread over Misa Amane's face, deadening the spark in her eyes. When Misa's scream reverberates through the portal, Gelus buries his face in his arms. It disturbs me to see a shinigami act so emotionally, more than it disturbs me to see the gruesome deaths of two humans in the prime of life.

The sight of Gelus's grief disturbs me even more than the sight of a human who has done a terrible deed running away from his crime. But when I turn my view again to Misa Amane, her look of devastated shock and utter despair shakes me most of all. 


	3. Steel

**_Disclaimer: The story and characters of Death Note were created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata._**

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**Rust**

**3. Steel**

Misa Amane is eighteen years, four months, twenty-five days, and eight hours old when she sees her parents die, but her suffering seems to age her far beyond how long she has already lived. In the days afterward, she must strive to keep her spine upright, to conceal the sorrow in her eyes, to grace others with a carefully constructed smile. Perhaps Gelus and I are the only ones who see how she struggles, for there is no one left on Earth to love her.

What I have come to realize about Misa Amane is that she is strong. Surprisingly so, for such a young, physically frail creature. I would have expected bereavement and heartbreak to weigh on her soul so heavily that she would follow her mother and father into the darkness without a second thought. But so far, she has not shattered.

For months, the destroyer of Misa Amane's family still roams free. Any shinigami could have struck him down in the time it takes the human law officers to search for him. I see the set of Gelus's jaw and the trembling of his fingers and know that he is thinking the same thing—but I stop him with a look before he can reach for his Death Note.

"Why, Rem? Why shouldn't I kill that man?" Gelus's eye glints with suppressed anger. "What else am I good for?"

I stare down at his hunched form, wondering how much time he has left. "No. You must wait."

His question is one that I have asked myself many times. _What is our existence good for?_ The reason that we kill is something we may have known once, but all we have now are rules, not reasons. Gelus's strange attachment to this human girl is causing him to forget our laws and our nature: shinigami never kill out of wrath, hatred, or spite. Only humans do that.

Much later, the authorities finally find the murderer, but of course they cannot take away his life. Not yet. Human justice must call this man innocent until someone presents enough physical evidence to claim otherwise.

At the trial, Misa wears her prettiest clothes and keeps her hair wound in elegant braids. She tries to remain serene and self-assured, but she is the only one to give testimony, and her voice shakes as she responds to the defense's cross-examination. The proceedings last for weeks as the humans all argue, trying to reveal the truth that is completely muddled to them. Two watchful gods of death are silent witnesses.

Even if Gelus and I were to descend to Earth and reveal ourselves to everyone in the courtroom, neither of us could force the arguers and liars to see the truth. Humans have always had a strange blindness for justice. Even if they were all granted the far-seeing eyes of a shinigami, they would never become wise.

On the final day, Misa's expression remains somber and her shoulders are set as the judge gives his verdict: _not guilty_. As she exits the courthouse for the last time, Misa blankly pushes away the reporters and curious bystanders who attempt to question her. She waits until she returns to her empty home before she allows herself to collapse, sinking to her bed and crying bitterly.

"I can't kill him... I can't," Misa whispers through her tears. I do not know whether she means that she is powerless to destroy her enemy, or that she believes it would be wrong.

Gelus's gaze never leaves her, but he does not touch his notebook. I can tell that he will continue to heed my warning: _You must wait_. Perhaps the wicked man who killed Misa's family deserves to die, but his life and death are too closely intertwined with Misa's now. Who knows what would happen to Gelus if he chose his prey based on his emotions for another human? I cannot allow him to risk intentionally extending the girl's lifespan.

But instead of waiting to die, each day Misa forces herself to cry for shorter and shorter lengths of time. She paints her pale cheeks and lips until they bear a semblance of healthy color, dresses in fine lace and silk, and searches for things to fill the emptiness in her heart. She is fated to die in three months, but still she shows no sign of breaking. Misa Amane is determined to live.


	4. Diamond

**_Disclaimer: The story and characters of Death Note were created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata._**

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**Rust**

**4. Diamond**

Below us, Misa is standing in various poses, displaying a coquettish smile. Flashes of white light illuminate the girl and her surroundings, reflecting off the sparkling jewels she wears as the people around her take dozens of photographs. I do not believe any two-dimensional picture could capture and preserve the elegant sway of her hair or the lively shine of her eyes. She appears as beautiful as she did seven months ago, before sorrow entered her life.

It seems fitting that she has chosen a career that exhibits her beauty and charm. Perhaps when she is immersed in her work as a model, surrounded by admirers, she can begin to feel loved again, pretend that she does not carry a burden of grief. Those who know her seem to have forgotten the pain she has endured, and she does not allow sadness to etch itself across her face.

When there are only forty days left of Misa's life, something happens to return some of the vitality of spirit that she has lost. It suddenly does not matter now that neither Gelus nor I dared to write one name in the Death Note; someone else has avenged Misa's parents. What is strange is that he was not fated to die for another twenty-six years, five months, and nineteen days; his remaining life was taken by a shinigami.

The strangest thing is that Gelus and I have no idea which shinigami could have done it. A short span of human years is barely any time in our realm, and when Gelus first became preoccupied with Misa, no shinigami I know of had written a name in aeons.

Misa seems to know the name of her avenger. "Kira is my savior," she sighs to any human who will listen.

"Is Kira the name of a human deity?" I ask Gelus. I know it is not the name of a shinigami.

He shakes his head. "I have never heard of it before..."

For the first time in quite a while, I look across the desert to where the few others of our kind gather to gamble. They seem to be discussing something with more interest and animation than are usually present in shinigami conversation; I briefly leave Gelus to find out what they are talking about.

"Have you seen what Ryuk's pet human has been up to lately?" Zellogi asks. "I haven't seen anyone write that many names since the humans were still building empires!"

Gukku tosses the dice. "I'm surprised Ryuk hasn't killed the human by now. How long do you think he's going to stay there?" He shoves a pile of bone shards toward Deridovely.

Deridovely takes his winnings and laughs. "Ryuk's always been a strange one. Oh, hello, Rem. Haven't seen you in a while."

I alight beside the three shinigami and address Deridovely. "What is happening? Why is Ryuk in the human world?" Deridovely has always been closer to Ryuk than I. The last time I saw Ryuk was thousands of years ago in human time; I am not a shinigami inclined to socialize.

"Idiot somehow got another notebook. Dropped it through a portal like he was some rank-thirteen numbskull. Then a human boy picked it up and started killing dozens of other humans with it—"

"I think it's hundreds by now," says Zellogi.

"What is the name of this human boy?" I ask Gukku.

He clicks his teeth and points to a nearby rift. "See for yourself. His name is Light Yagami, written like this—" He gestures with his fingers to show the shape of the boy's name. I peer down and quickly locate the human in the country of Japan—Misa's homeland. "The other humans don't know who he is," Gukku adds. "Some want to hunt him down and kill him, some want to worship him. It's hilarious."

It is likely that this human boy, Light Yagami, is the mysterious one who killed Misa's enemy with a shinigami's powers. "Do the humans call him by another name?"

Zellogi answers me. "How are we supposed to know? It's not our problem if humans are too stupid to call each other by their true names. Anyway, Ryuk's the one who's down there..."

I take my leave of them as Deridovely calls for the dice again. I am curious of the human boy who has used the Death Note to such a great extent, seemingly without consequence. As I watch him through another rift, I see that he has no particular connection to Misa or to any of the humans he kills. He gleans his victims' identities often without ever encountering them. The acquitted murderer's death greatly eased the burden on Misa's life... but that man was merely one of the dozens of people that Light Yagami must have wiped out on that day.

This human boy is slightly younger than Misa, but does not act at all like an adolescent. He seems coldly detached from his own world; it puzzles me that he would want to eliminate so many of the humans in it. What is his purpose?

Perhaps his purpose does not matter, like the unknown purpose of the shinigami. Perhaps this boy is killing in sport as we shinigami used to do. How strange that Misa Amane should consider him her savior, when the act of vengeance she thanks him for was merely an everyday task to him.

Even though Gelus and I have watched over Misa for most of her life, we have done far less for her than this human boy has done. I feel a strange irritation when I ponder how Misa feels gratitude toward someone who exerts his stolen power on a whim, someone who does not even know or care about her existence. My annoyance surprises me, for in all the ages I have been a shinigami, I have never felt angry before.


End file.
